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Bituwin -
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Dementee -
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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So we all have our own opinions with regard to the issues around us.
As for me, i know what i believe in and i stand for what i believe in. I very much acknowledge my being stubborn when it comes to my beliefs- because i know i have a point.
But lately, i can feel my stubborn-meter slowly fluctuating. I'm being tempted to actually believe that what i believe in is not what i should believe in. Granted, I already accepted that for others, i may be wrong. But going against what i believe in is something else. Worse, i'm actually choosing to go against what i believe in.
Maybe they're right. Maybe this is just my pride eating me.
Point is, I'm tired of rationalizing things. Sometimes, i just want to go with the flow. Say yes with whatever people tell me just so i can end the discussion.
They're right. I overthink. I overanalyze.
I know, this post is not going anywhere. I'm really not good in abstracting my ideas.
Oh well.
I've been consumed with so many many uninvited thoughts lately. And i don't like it.
I want to disappear. I want to burst. I want to dissolve. I want to melt. I want to evaporate. I want to vanish.
End, please. End.
Lately, I've been so pre-occupied with the thoughts of love. And i don't like it. It's not doing me any good. It's confusing me big deal. It's knocking the senses out of my rotting brain. I can't think properly. From time to time, it consumes me. Entirely. I don't know.
It's just so disturbing. I've been here. And i know, i should know better. But in a way, it's like a whole new idea for me. Worse, it affects me big time. It affects the way i move, the way i think, the way i eat, the way i sleep, even the way i tie my hair.
I'm not in love. I can't be in love.
I like somebody. And yeah. I'm so aware of it. duh? But I'm not yet in love with him. No. Slash the yet. I can't be in love with him. I can't. I so can't. Really.
Ours is actually a nice story. Emphasis on the present tense. Funny how everything started, developed, and brought me to where i am right now. He's somebody very very special to me. And entertaining this stupid feeling might only put an end in our friendship. I actually like it better this way. We get along very well. We go out. As friends. We hang out almost everyday. We know each other so well. We've seen the worst of each other. We've already shared so many stupid, funny, weird but altogether wonderful experiences. And i just can't afford to put everything at risk just because I'm not thinking.
I didn't see this coming. Really. Never in my life did i invite this feeling to consume me. I'm stupid enough to entertain a hundred other stupid feelings. But liking somebody i can't like is just something else.
It started as a joke. I started the joke. I shouldn't have started the joke.
I didn't know that it would have such a lasting effect. That time will come when it will lead us somewhere else. No, not us. Just me. I asked for it. But i can't remember asking for him. I know. Who are we to demand who shall and shall not be given to us?
Point is. It's driving me nuts. And right now, i'm pathetic enough to try anything just to divert my attention to something else. Or somebody else. I know, i'm not being fair. But it's hard. It's really hard. It's the only way out that i see. Unless somebody gives me a better idea. I'd be more than willing to consider.
Friendship for me is something that's very precious. I wouldn't risk losing it for something as shallow as romantic relationship. Fine. Slash the shallow. Insert any other appropriate adjective. I know, romantic relationship is also something as special as friendship. But when you're left with no other choices but to play it safe and save the friendship or to take the risk and gamble it all, i'll take the former. I may not be a winner. But at least, i did not lose anything. And that's what's more important. One over nothing.
I know, i'm being stubborn. A lot of people have told me that this mindset is wrong. That I'm wrong.
And i know i am.
But i don't know. As much as i want to accept i'm wrong, i still cannot accept the fact that i'm actually in LIKE with him. Big deal. potra.
I know i've already made my point.
And i also know that i'm wrong.
So shut me down, please. Shut me down.
Ladies and Gentlemen: Good Afternoon. Try to look at the sky, do you think it’s gonna rain? It so amazing to feel rain, the water that flows into you is unstoppable, sometimes raging so fast or maybe gently pours down. Rain is like love. What is love? Love is a very powerful word. It is an unstoppable emotion that is supposed to be felt by every one of us. When someone is in love, actions are set to do in order to show the love and to bind it into a relationship. See that’s what love can do, but does the same thing happen to all of us? The answer is no, there are some love which are not bound to happy ending. Sad but that’s a fact that becomes a part of the Earth’s rotation.
How can you tell to someone that you’re in love with him/ her? It’s too hard, isn’t it? It takes a lot of courage but sometimes the bravery that you have will turn into misery. A thing that can ruin you or mold you to be a better person. Is it fair? I think it is because having the courage to love you should also have the courage to suffer too and love without pain is impossible.
Love can be magic but as we all know magic can sometimes be an illusion. Why can’t it be real? There are certain reasons why can’t we have the love that we are aiming for. Listen to the following phenomena. First, let me ask you, “Who are your celebrity crushes?” have you ever think that a famous celebrity have a feeling for you? Well if you answered a big yes you might be experiencing erotomania a phenomena in which you think a celebrity is falling in love with you and you think that person is your soul mate. Sounds impossible, isn’t it? But it is happening most especially to the teen-agers. Next, who is your best friend? Who are you’re friends? I can tell you who you are by knowing them but I can’t tell if you’ll be falling in love with each other. Respect is what attached person in friendship and it is set to be destroyed by love especially at the end of your story. How about this, is there anyone on your same sex that arouse your interest or maybe a member of your family that you want to build in with? Its more complicated because here people involved thinks about what the people that surrounds them are set to think, it seems like you care a lot about what the society has to say. When we fall in love, it’s the soul that is captured and fighting with it will not be easy. Those alibis are good excuses why can’t you have the love but what if there’s nothing really wrong. What if the reason is just simply the person just don’t like you? That’s the hardest reason possible I think.
The heart broken times, the time where in you're saying that you're an idiot falling for the wrong person. There are times that you're all alone, sleeping and waiting to be woke up by him/ her but unfortunately, and no face appeared as you open your eyes the next morning. We usually do certain things in order to erase that person in your mind. One would probably said that finding another love is the best thing others may moved on with their life and do a lot of things and making their selves busy by giving time for their family, studies, career or even social life. But is forgetting someone who put scar on your face that easy? No, some would probably be stuck in that moment, be a hostage of the love and be trapped there, believing, being faithful, and learning to love without anything in return.
What’s the best option among the list that I have given a while ago? Actually it depends on the person; whatever the choice is let’s respect it. Whatever it is the love inside will never die, still remaining there. I think loving someone without anything in return is a big blessing, its true love, the love that everybody wants but unfortunately ignoring it when its there. The efforts you have would where simply be wasted. It is somewhat like there's a glass that fell on your feet and the blood is already dripping but that person just looks at you, still unconscious, looking but never knew that you did that to get the attention. You'll be doing that until the time that you realized that you became addicted. In your thoughts, in your dreams, that person is always there. He/She is like a leech that sucks blood from you and you can't breathe and you can't see the world without him/her, that person has taken over you and you realized that you need to be fixed.
On the time that you realized you lose yourself and the damage has been done for you, that's the time wherein all you think is how to fight the feeling, how to kill it, it is the hardest part in love. Why are you afraid of losing that person when you know that he/she is not aware that you exist? Forgetting someone is not easy, one must solve the problem in order to forget and its not easy that why the next best option is set to come, to avoid, try to let go. Letting go is not to forget, not to think or to ignore. It doesn't have any feelings of sadness, emptiness, hatred, anger, jealousy or regret. It’s not about pride and it’s not dwelling on the past or blocking memories. Most of all it’s not about giving up and being a loser. To let go is to cherish the memories, to be thankful to the memories that made you laugh, cry and grow but to overcome it and moved on. Its learning, experiencing and growing molded together. It’s having a confidence in the future. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and accept there are things that cannot be, and the strength to keep moving. It’s to open a door and to clear a path and set yourself free.
You realized that the time of departure is already there and as we travel we carry something with us. Everybody would probably agree that its nice to travel with someone who can lighten up our load, but usually its easier to just drop what we've been carrying so we can get to our destination sooner even though there's still no place to land on. Where will we go? Why do we clutch at that baggage even when were desperate to move? Because we still believe that a chance is still there and believing on it, letting go will not be possible instead we walk away to the lovely sunshine that is waiting for us and do the same mistake again, instead of killing it, you already lose control and waking up from this nightmare seems impossible and all you can do is to pray let it be over.
Ladies and gentlemen, a while ago I said that in order to feel love I must be ready to suffer. I feel bad because you, the one who opened my heart was not the one for me but do I have the right to blame you? The answer is no because you didn't asked for it but did you ever realized that you did something to me one day, the day you break my suit of armor by simply taking over me. I'm not the same person I was 2 days ago since that day. Something is different and I can't figure it out and I know I can’t never be that me again. I call your name over and over, like a refrain. I became your hostage; you ate me and leave me like the last piece of cookie in the jar, all alone and broken. I’ve been lickin’ my wounds but the venom seeps deeper and I’m about to break that’s why I need to walk away from you that's why I cried a river and made a bridge that I’m about to pass. I know I can pass the bridge without looking back at your side, without regretting that I passed it. The time that I can be on the other side of the bridge, smiling and facing the lovely day that I've should felt before when I was with you. I know that day will come, very soon, very very soon.
credits to mondee of PEX.
Okay. Okay. I understand that there are a lot of grammatical errors here. But for once, let's try to focus our attention to what he's trying to say and not to how he's saying what he's trying to say. Come to think of it, he pointed out some realities that we already know but wouldn't want to know. And so we pretend to not know.
It eats you. Slowly.
I'm not in love. I can't be in love.
I wasn't able to see the end of Maging Sino Ka Man Book2. But from what i heard, it wasn't able to sustain the enthusiasm among its viewers since it started airing again. Oh well. One thig that i love the most about this show, aside from Anne Curtis, is the quotable quotes of the characters. They're so passionate. Aylavet.
Eli: Kung merong mang higit sa salitang ‘mahal kita’, yun ang pagmamahal ko para sa’yo, Jackie.
Onay: wasakin ang puso mo..Paano mo pipigilan ang tadhana...? paano mo isusuko ang pag-ibig na alam mong kayang.?
JB: Celine, I will never love anybody else, as much as i love you..
Celine: Love, what if... what if...
JB: There are no what ifs for my love for you...
Someday. Someday.
I found this in the egroup of my committee in my org, UP-CMC BROADcasting ASSociation.
Could the real fish please stand up?
I have no pretensions about who I am. Modesty aside, I'm physically
attractive, I'm smart, I'm accomplished and I have a great zest for
life. I have managed to go through 21 years of existence and could still
afford to look like 16. I'm complete, I'm self-assured, but somehow,
there's just this one thing I can't understand no matter what: why do I keep on attracting the wrong fish?
When I was in grade school, when I meet relatives or family friends, the standard questions were: "Anong grade mo na?" "Saan ko magha-highschool?" Occasionally somebody would ask me, "May boyfriend ka na?" To that last question I would answer in the negative and that's the end of the matter. When I was in highschool, relatives, family friends and classmates ask me questions like, "Anong course kukunin mo?" "Saan ka magco-college?" "May boyfriend ka na?" I would reply in the negative and it won't bother me. Much too young for that to be bothered, I suppose. When I was in college, people would ask me, "Anong karera ang gusto mo?" "May boyfriend ka na ba?" And to that question I would answer in the negative and promise to myself that I would have a boyfriend after I graduate.
Now I have graduated. I went through grade school, highschool and college with flying colors. I have a degree, I have a job. Uh-oh, I say to myself, for I know what that one question people would be asking me this time. "May boyfriend ka na ba?" In fact, people have asked me that question more frequently these days. And of course, my standard answer is, "Wala." But you know what? Believe me or not, that's not the worse part. I dread the question that follows that: "Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend?" How the hell should I know?! I'm not the guy I like!
Sometimes I feel like answering back in that manner, but of course I just try to calm down and keep quiet. That last question is rhetorical ... it's something that only a member of the male species who has met me can answer.
A male friend of mine told me once, "There are many fish in the sea."
Ok, so I got heartbroken over a guy in class whom I carried a torch for
the first 3 years of my college life, and after that I fell in love with
a guy whom I have just met for some days and who is now in a foreign
country, studying. Fine, they're not the only "fish in the sea." I have
encountered some guys who became my friends and who would later on confess they have a crush on me, they love me or they really like me.
They're nice and all, we get along pretty well, but I can't still get
over the fact that they're the wrong fish!
Wrong fish --- you know, the types who, no matter how handsome or kind or gentleman or Mr. Perfect they are you just don't have any other thing with them but friendship. Period.
Wrong fish --- the ones whom you regret to have fallen for you because they could have saved themselves the heartache by not falling for you had they fallen in love with somebody else... who would really love them.
Why do I keep on attracting the wrong fish? "Maybe that's because you're using the wrong bait," a friend
of mine told me once. But I'm not using any bait at all. I'm just me.
My friends have offered a lot of theories about why I am still
boyfriend-less. The main school of thought is that guys are intimidated
by me. With my background, reputation and personality, guys feel short
of what should be for me. And my reaction to that? To hell with
intimidation. I'm not intimidating at all, and even if I am, why should
that matter? This is not some freaking competition. But I suppose there
is a certain truth to that, one way or another. Relationships consist of
people who match each other, right?
It's a good thing I'm a person of good humor. I don't let the standard,
"May boyfriend ka na?" get on my nerves. We unattached kindred say that
it's ok, because our market value is increasing . Or my friends and I
used to kid around, using Eminem's Slim Shady line, saying, "Could the
real fish please stand up?" That, a tall glass of iced tea and a piece
of sour cream donut at Country Style and I'm a-ok.
If it were only that simple. Of course in the real world, the real fish won't show up right away. I have to go through a lot of struggles before
I see him, I know. In every major event in my life I go through that
hardships-tears-dream-come-true-happiness-Oh-thank-God cycle.
After 21 years of that cycle ...
I know better.
I know it's going to take me more
courage and more growing up, more 8 hours of work, more single
Valentine's, more "May boyfriend ka na ba?" and "Bakit wala ka pang
boyfriend?" before I meet the real fish. Maybe in the end it's that guy
I loved in first year college. Or maybe it's that guy who left for a
foreign country to study. Or maybe it's somebody I have never met at
all.
In the meantime, I'm still the pleasant, smart, boyfriend-less me. High market value and all.