A Brat's Life

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Not liking being in like

Lately, I've been so pre-occupied with the thoughts of love. And i don't like it. It's not doing me any good. It's confusing me big deal. It's knocking the senses out of my rotting brain. I can't think properly. From time to time, it consumes me. Entirely. I don't know.

It's just so disturbing. I've been here. And i know, i should know better. But in a way, it's like a whole new idea for me. Worse, it affects me big time. It affects the way i move, the way i think, the way i eat, the way i sleep, even the way i tie my hair.

I'm not in love. I can't be in love.

I like somebody. And yeah. I'm so aware of it. duh? But I'm not yet in love with him. No. Slash the yet. I can't be in love with him. I can't. I so can't. Really.

Ours is actually a nice story. Emphasis on the present tense. Funny how everything started, developed, and brought me to where i am right now. He's somebody very very special to me. And entertaining this stupid feeling might only put an end in our friendship. I actually like it better this way. We get along very well. We go out. As friends. We hang out almost everyday. We know each other so well. We've seen the worst of each other. We've already shared so many stupid, funny, weird but altogether wonderful experiences. And i just can't afford to put everything at risk just because I'm not thinking.

I didn't see this coming. Really. Never in my life did i invite this feeling to consume me. I'm stupid enough to entertain a hundred other stupid feelings. But liking somebody i can't like is just something else.

It started as a joke. I started the joke. I shouldn't have started the joke.

I didn't know that it would have such a lasting effect. That time will come when it will lead us somewhere else. No, not us. Just me. I asked for it. But i can't remember asking for him. I know. Who are we to demand who shall and shall not be given to us?

Point is. It's driving me nuts. And right now, i'm pathetic enough to try anything just to divert my attention to something else. Or somebody else. I know, i'm not being fair. But it's hard. It's really hard. It's the only way out that i see. Unless somebody gives me a better idea. I'd be more than willing to consider.

Friendship for me is something that's very precious. I wouldn't risk losing it for something as shallow as romantic relationship. Fine. Slash the shallow. Insert any other appropriate adjective. I know, romantic relationship is also something as special as friendship. But when you're left with no other choices but to play it safe and save the friendship or to take the risk and gamble it all, i'll take the former. I may not be a winner. But at least, i did not lose anything. And that's what's more important. One over nothing.

I know, i'm being stubborn. A lot of people have told me that this mindset is wrong. That I'm wrong.

And i know i am.

But i don't know. As much as i want to accept i'm wrong, i still cannot accept the fact that i'm actually in LIKE with him. Big deal. potra.

I know i've already made my point.

And i also know that i'm wrong.

So shut me down, please. Shut me down.


I am a BITCH when I wanna be. -Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl You can mail me at: Friendster Multiply Facebook Friend 1 Friend 2 Friend 3 Friend 4 Friend 5 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 October 2009 December 2009 Bituwin - template Dementee - image Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls. Hit counter code here	Thursday, April 3, 2008 Not liking being in like Lately, I've been so pre-occupied with the thoughts of love. And i don't like it. It's not doing me any good. It's confusing me big deal. It's knocking the senses out of my rotting brain. I can't think properly. From time to time, it consumes me. Entirely. I don't know. It's just so disturbing. I've been here. And i know, i should know better. But in a way, it's like a whole new idea for me. Worse, it affects me big time. It affects the way i move, the way i think, the way i eat, the way i sleep, even the way i tie my hair. I'm not in love. I can't be in love. I like somebody. And yeah. I'm so aware of it. duh? But I'm not yet in love with him. No. Slash the yet. I can't be in love with him. I can't. I so can't. Really. Ours is actually a nice story. Emphasis on the present tense. Funny how everything started, developed, and brought me to where i am right now. He's somebody very very special to me. And entertaining this stupid feeling might only put an end in our friendship. I actually like it better this way. We get along very well. We go out. As friends. We hang out almost everyday. We know each other so well. We've seen the worst of each other. We've already shared so many stupid, funny, weird but altogether wonderful experiences. And i just can't afford to put everything at risk just because I'm not thinking. I didn't see this coming. Really. Never in my life did i invite this feeling to consume me. I'm stupid enough to entertain a hundred other stupid feelings. But liking somebody i can't like is just something else. It started as a joke. I started the joke. I shouldn't have started the joke. I didn't know that it would have such a lasting effect. That time will come when it will lead us somewhere else. No, not us. Just me. I asked for it. But i can't remember asking for him. I know. Who are we to demand who shall and shall not be given to us? Point is. It's driving me nuts. And right now, i'm pathetic enough to try anything just to divert my attention to something else. Or somebody else. I know, i'm not being fair. But it's hard. It's really hard. It's the only way out that i see. Unless somebody gives me a better idea. I'd be more than willing to consider. Friendship for me is something that's very precious. I wouldn't risk losing it for something as shallow as romantic relationship. Fine. Slash the shallow. Insert any other appropriate adjective. I know, romantic relationship is also something as special as friendship. But when you're left with no other choices but to play it safe and save the friendship or to take the risk and gamble it all, i'll take the former. I may not be a winner. But at least, i did not lose anything. And that's what's more important. One over nothing. I know, i'm being stubborn. A lot of people have told me that this mindset is wrong. That I'm wrong. And i know i am. But i don't know. As much as i want to accept i'm wrong, i still cannot accept the fact that i'm actually in LIKE with him. Big deal. potra. I know i've already made my point. And i also know that i'm wrong. So shut me down, please. Shut me down. 4:21:00 AM ·