A Brat's Life

Friday, September 26, 2008

Wala lang

Ang dami ko palang blog posts na nasa draft lang. haha. Ung iba, wala kasi akong lakas ng loob na i-post. Ung iba, ayaw tanggapin ng blogger (Or maybe they're just not meant to be posted). Ung iba, hindi ko lang natatapos isulat. Kunwari, ito...

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My day was okay. Until now.

Weh. I want to strangle people right now. As in right now. Nakakainis talaga. Leche. Leche. Leche. And as much as i want to tell them how i feel right now, i can't. I just can't. foootra. Aaaaaaaaargh.

There. So much for my whining. tsk.

I hate you. I can't understand you.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Actually, i stopped typing this entry because i was with him/her when i was typing this entry. Kung puwede lang talaga manampal ng walang rason, ginawa ko na.

Again. I HATE YOU. dermiit.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

bool-sheet.

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

BULLSHIT.

Friday, September 19, 2008

In the midst of my busy life. I blog.

I'll save my speech-slash-birthday gift for you later. After my bc102 prod. After we revise our comm res101. After we rehearse for DK. After i survive this day. IF i survive this day.

Oh well. Because i love life and i lovelife, i feel "senti" again. Die this jelly ace inside of me. Die you. Die.

Wadapaaak. procrastination is love. hahaha.

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Here's an interesting survey i found in friendster. I've been meaning to answer this but i'll also save this for tomorrow. hahaha. i'm insane.

female survey: dont chicken out girls

Does your password have to do with a boy?
What's one thing a guy can do to make you like them?
Are you a girly girl?
Small or big purses?
What are the signs you like a guy?
Do you enjoy drama?
Do you stay friends with your ex's?
Did you dress up on Halloween?
Do you call anybody by their last name?
How many guys will read this just because it says "FEMALE SURVEY"
Do you wear makeup?
Can you put on mascara without opening your mouth?
Have you ever cooked food for a guy?
Have you ever been called a bad influence?
Have you ever broken a guy's heart?
Eyeliner or Mascara?
American Eagle or Hollister?
Heels or flats?
Skirts or jeans?
Heels or sneakers?
Straight or curly hair?
Hoops or dangling earrings?
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
Do you have a best friend?
What do you think about the person you like?
Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
Do you like your life?
Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
Do you ever wish you were famous?

IN A BOY:
Cowboy or gangsta?
Preppy or Punk/Goth?
Well-educated or Dropout?
Contacts or Glasses?
Good cook or took you out a lot?
Funny or Serious?
Romantic or Daredevil?
Cute or Hot?
Long or short hair?
Smoker or nonsmoker?

I'm excited to answer this survey. hahaha. But for now, tutulog muna ko. hahaha. Patay patay na sa radio performance ko mamaya. hahaha. :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Bebeboor Look-a-like.

I'm sooooooooo overflowing with acads, org, acads, org, acads, org, acads and ooooooooorg stuff to dooooo's. oh well, papel. I asked for this. I wanted this. I'll endure this. Go Supergirl! :)

Anywaaaaaaaay, i'm just taking a few minutes off from SUPEREVP-ing. Love life muna. hahaha.

I was browsing through multiply when I came through a couple of pictures which reminded me of somebody.

The folder contained pictures of Deborah's debut party. More specifically, it contained pictures of Dino Imperial who super duper resembles somebody i haven't seen for quite a while. Deborah was a schoolmate from CalSci. Somebody was also from CalSci. hahaha. Promise. High school people would definitely agree with me on this. Here are the pictures...

So there. Di ba? Come on. Don't THEY look super alike?

Okay. Yun lang. Mooooove on. :)

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Confessions Galooooooooore.

Because I'm slowly losing grip of my sanity. hahaha. I found this really jolog survey in the midst of my EVP-ing and Acad Mode. haha. oh well.

DISCLAIMER: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG SURVEY. hahaha.

CONFESSIONS.

1. Is anything wrong?

- WIth me? I think so. I haven't really been feeling well these past few days. More of emotional stress, actually. There are just so many things that are happening at the same time.

2. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?

- I erased my list of featured friends in friendster about a couple of months ago. Why? Simply because I could no longer feel the same attachment that bound us together before. Everything's changed now. It would be hard to go back to how it used to be. I may be the most idealistic person Camille knows but I'm really not feeling very idealistic about us. Again, so many things have already changed. I couldn't even look at her in the eye. I hate her so much that just the mere thought of her exasperates me already. Don't get me wrong. I tried to reach out. I did my part. I even visited her when the need to do so arouse. I did my part as her friend. But i felt her blocking me off. And I'm just not the type of person who begs for attention. If you don't like me, fine. I would do my part to change how you feel and to make you feel how i feel. But it takes two to tango. And to hope that she'll do her part is just whatever. I'm so sick and tired of everything.

(ayun naman. 2nd quetsion palang. hahaha.)

3. Do you want to go to college?

- I'm already in college. And I love my college. I love my course. I'm having so much fun. I'm enjoying school. And everything about school. Note: School. Meaning Academics. Period.

4. How many kids do you want to have?

- I want three! haha. Two princes and a little princess. :)

5. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

- Would pass for a yes. haha. Mommy and i are not super close. I don't tell her my super secrets. But we get along. We clash sometimes because we have the same personality but, yeah, our would pass as something good. As for my Dad, he's usually away. I don't get the chance to talk to him as often as i want to. We weren't brought up in a very chummy way by my parents although i could feel that they're trying to reach out to us. This one's a long story. Don't get me started. hahaha.

6. What did you do for your last birthday?

- Had my dream 'fairy tale' debut. It was very beautiful. It wasn't perfect but it was just right. It was what i wanted. It made me really happy. Big thanks to everyone who showed me their love for me by being in my party. hehe.

7. What were you doing at midnight last night?

- Lying on my bed. Listening to my ipod shuffle. Thinking about how stupid I was to believe in something that doesn't exist. Thinking about how i can start life again. And thinking... thinking... thinking... while listening to cheeeeeesy music.

8. Name something you cannot wait for?

- CCSHS Alumni Homecoming. I want to know if there is still something there. Here. So i can finally move on. Totally. Completely. Yes. Cheesy. hahaha.

9. What is one thing you would change in your life?

- As much as I want to change so many thing in my ultramega erroneous life, i wouldn't. Because wherever, whatever, whoever I am now is where, what, who He wants me to be. I don't believe in living in regrets. I believe that life is good when we're having fun (bambini, 2005). hahaha. I may have done sooooo many 'kagagahans' but that's me. And i've learned to love the imperfect me. Although alam ko naman na perfect talga ako. charows.

10. Last thing you ate/drank?

- Chocolate. It's called emotional eating. Man, i'm destroying my diet because of my stupid heartache. whahahahahaha. erase. erase. No heartaches. Gaga lang talaga ako. hahahaha. NExt!

11. Whats your favorite month?

- December, January, February.

12. What is your least favorite month?

- I don't know. Wala????? I really don't know. wala.

13. Do you like peanut butter?

- Yep! Peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the best. Pwede na rin ung peanut butter ni Kuya Monay sa UP. Kahit na mahal, masarap naman. :)

14. Who's making you feel the way you are right now?

- hahahahaha. Stupid Question. hahahaha. Somebody. Somebody. Somebody. weh. leche. naalala ko tuloy. hahaha. tama na. next!

15. Most visited web pages?

- Yahoomail, Friendster, Multiply, Facebook, Blogger, Google. The first one, for the most obvious reason. The next 4, for keeping connections tight. and for stalking purposes. hahaha. The latter for everything.

16. Last person to make you mad?

- Can't remember. Her? Please go back to number 2. hahahaha. or if not her, myself, maybe? hahahha.

17. Pepsi or coke?

- I'm not fond of softdrinks. Too much sugar makes me feel bloated and just plain sinful.

18. Have you hugged anyone in the past week?

- yep! I think. JV, some assers, and LOIS, my dear puppy. :) Note that, the question was who I hugged not who hugged me. I honestly need one. as in. right now. hmmm.

19. Fun thing to look forward to this month?

- CMC Alumni Homecoming. Meeting prominent CMC alumni. Aside from that, i don't know anymore. I'm so tired already. I just want to take a break from everything. But I can't. I have to work. work. work. And September means work. So yeah, nothing really 'FUN' to look forward to. Just same old boring stuff.

20. What do you think about your siblings?

- uhg. Kristina's so into her boyfriend. very high school. JV's thinner and is full of energy. Very elementary. I hope i have what they have. Time and love life. demmit. I am, ugh, toxic. Very college.

21. Do you have any pets?

- Yep! LOIS. my cute hush puppy. He's actually sleeping under my chair right now. cute. She makes me happy. now. :)

22. What's your favorite number?

- 06. Since grade school. I don't know why. I just like it. :)

23. What do you do after school/work?

- After school, i attend to my responsibilities in Broad Ass. or if i'm feeling too lazy to do so, i hang out with the assers. We kill time talking about anything and everything. We eat. We go wherever. We play. We watch. We do whatever. Then we go home. To sleep. no, erase that. We go home, to study til morning. Then go back to school. We hardly sleep. That's toxic. That's life. Saya!

24. Do you know how to swim?

- No! I want to learn how. Pero nabaon na siya sa limot. hahaha. SOmeday. Someday.

26. Do you have a crush?

- Yeah! I stalked him today. Googled. Friendstered. Multiply-ed. Which reminds me. I'll facebook-search him. hahaha. ayun. walang lumabas. demmmit.

FRIEND CONFESSIONS

1. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?

- ugh. hmmm. hahahaha. i think i am. hahaha. jologs.

2. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?

- by whole, meaning since birth? Nope. Some i met during elem days, some during high school, and some just now. College. But yeah, some of them, i feel like i've been with them since birth. Friends are treasures. I value them so much. (pakshirt. cheeeeeeeeeese! hahaha)

3. Are any of your friends taller than you?

- naman! Kiki! hahaha. and many others.

4. Have you ever been mad by a friend?

- First, construct your question properly. Second, yes. Please go back to question number 2 under confessions. hahaha. Don't get me started. Life's a bitch. And so am I. hahaha.

5. Do you have your friend's phone number's memorized?

- No. Errr. no. I don't know.

6. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?

- yes. I have a very bad memory. hahaha. and bad attention span.

7. Have you been to most of your friends houses?

- Their places? Nope. But most of them had been to mine. It has always been that way since high school.

8. Do you love most of your friends?

- I love my friends. Period. If i don't love you, you're not a friend. You're just an acquaintance or a colleague or WAS a friend. haha. labo.

HABIT CONFESSIONS:

1. Do you play with things when nervous?

- I play with everythign within reach. I also bte my nails. But I'm trying so hard to suppress it. That's why i alse have them manicured and painted daintily. So i could fight the urge to do so.

2. Do you have an odd obsession with knives?

- Duhr?! None. But I have an odd obsession over super super super soft pillows. and marshmallows. and gelatins. hahahaha. :)

3. Do you sleep with the door open or closed?

- Closed. I love privacy.

4. Is there at least one sound you can't stand?

- Right now? Her voice. hahahahaha. and his voice. Pwede ba silang burahin sa mundo? hahaha. or ako nalang burahin niyo sa mundo. hahaha.

5. What is your worst habit?

- whining and whining and whining and whining. and if i get tired of whining, i'll start ranting and ranting and ranting. Then i'll whine again and so on. haahahahaha. I'm seniora reklamadora. hahaha.

LOVE CONFESSIONS

1. Do you currently like/love someone?

- can i skip this? I don't know. I'm confused. hahaha. I think both. I'm in like and in love with two different people. hahahaha.

2. Do you want to kill one of your ex's?

- I've never had an ex because i'm an NBSB. BuT! I want to kill somebody right now. I don't want to see him ever again because it's just so hard for me to see him. I lose all my defenses when I see him. I hate him so much but i hate myself more because I know that no matter how much I hate him, I cannot hate him enough to not be moved by him, to not be controlled by him, to not fall for him. shet. die me. die.

3. Has one of your crushes ever called you self-centered before?

- hahahaha. oo, ata. i can't remember. I theeenk. hahaha. Oo. Because I am. I love myself, that's why.

PERSONAL OPINION CONFESSIONS

1. Do you think abortions are horrible?

- They are. I understand why people had to go through them. But I really just can't take the idea of killing something and someone at their most innocent state. Jozko. Walang kalaban-laban ung mga bata. As much as these mothers didn't want to be pregnant at the wrong time, these kids also didn't want to be made at the wrong time. They didn't ask for it. Wala silang kasalanan. Bakit sila ang dapat na magbayad. Bakit sila ang dapat isacrifice? oh well. i can go on and on and on. But i better stop now. I'm tired. hahaha.

3. Are you against or think gay marriage is bad?

- Who am I to stop people from being 'so happy together'? Again, much like in my argument in the first issue, i don't think these gay people wanted to be any 'different' in the first place. Some would argue that they can choose to not be gay. But I don't know. I think if you're meant to be a gay, you'll be one. Whether you like it or not. And as for us, girls and boys, we are very well awared that we, you, can never get to choose who to fall in love with. We can decide who to learn how to love but we can never choose who we'll fall in love with. That's why it's called 'falling' in love in the first place. There's this invisible gravity that pulls us towards somewhere really unexpected. And much like us, they too 'fall' in love with people. hahaha. and so on.

4. Is pink an ugly color?

- Are you seriously asking me that question? hahaha. Pink is LOVE. I can go on with another 99 reasons why pink is beautiful but i'd rather save that for another post. :)

5. Needles aren't so horrible?

- No. I''ve experienced worse. hahahahha. Paddle? charos lang. hahahahha.

6. You have plenty of secrets?

- hahahahaha. naman. period.

I'm sleepy. I better end this na. Ciao. :)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Random Random thoughts.

Abstraction is beautiful when people come up with their own interpretation re whatever it is they're interpreting. So there. Bahala na...

For some stupid reason, i'm in a very low point right now. I knew this was going to come. I actually saw it coming. I knew all along. It was/is happening right in front of me. But I just didn't mind. Again. I just didn't mind.

My fault. I know.

I was stupid for a while. Swept away by you. And now i feel, like a fool.

Why? Because I was too selfish. I was too in love with myself. I was too pre-occupied with my own happiness. It has always been a me-world.

Who wouldn't be? I was enjoying every piece of it. I was having so much fun. I fooled myself into believing that there really was something there. I held on to what other people made me believe.

It's called Karma, babe. And it goes around.

I had my own set of theories. I knew, at the back of my mind, that I was right. And they weren't.

But what they wanted me to believe... No, what they wanted me to see, which i chose to believe, was something very beautiful- it's too tempting to resist.

Then again, i had my own set of strong theories. Something I've been pushing myself to believe but just couldn't find enough guts to. It was a very tough decision. I tried to fight it. Honest. I did. I tried. But to no avail. I couldn't fight it. It was a difficult battle. I surrendered. I gave in. I became happy.

Not for long...

I am a coward. I am a selfish coward who'd rather indulge in her fantasies and be hurt in the long run than soak herself in reality.

I don't like realities. Realities hurt.

I could drown if i stay here...

I know. This is reality. And yeah, I am hurt.

Wake up, Princess. Your Fairy Tale's over.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

My life is brilliant. (and full of sarcasm)

I miss you blog. I want to kill somebody right now. hahaha. End.

Monday, September 8, 2008

I Miss You, Love.

This blogpost is two days overdue. :)

About a week and two days ago, i had one of the most beautiful dreams i've ever had. It was almost too fairy tale-like. And as i said in my previous post, it was sooo beautiful that the moment i realized that i was only dreaming, i refused to open my eyes and forced myself back to sleep. Hahaha. I'm quite well aware naman kasi that whatever i dreamt of that saturday morning was/is really far-fetched.

Now, fast forward to exactly one week after, I had another beautiful dream. It's about somebody really really special. Had i dreamt of this in the past, i would've called it another miracle came true. But i don't know. I knew, while i was dreaming, that i wanted it. But something has already changed. I liked how he felt towards me in my dream but it wasn't what i was asking for. I was happy that i finally had his attention but i was looking for something else. or someone else. When i woke up, i kept thinking of my dream and him. There was still this weird-slash-happy-slash-excited feeling whenever i think of him but something really has already changed.

I'm trying to block off the idea that maybe i was/is feeling this way because somebody else has already occupied his space. Maybe. Possible. But it's really still too early to say.

Moving on is such a big idea. It has been so many years already and yet there's still something there, something unexplainable, that suddenly makes me feel weak whenever i think of what we had. or never had. (pakshirt. ang cheesy.)

Oh well. I haven't seen him for 10 months already.

Maybe I just miss him. big time.

my dreams came true when i found you, my miracle.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

UP Pep Squad did it AGAIN! CHEERS TO UP!

UP FIGHT!

WoooohoooO!

Ang galing-galing! Congratulations UP! woohooooo!

Ang saya talaga. Although i would be happier if i was there with the Assers. Eeeeh. Kasi naman, KJ 'tong dysmenorrhea ko. feeling ko talaga mamamatay na ko kanina. haha. Waaah. nakakainggit ung mga nasa Araneta! sayang talaga! waaah.

Hemmingwaaaaay! I'm so happy for UP! Number 1! Galing!

Assers. may naisip ako... hahaha...

CHIEF PRIMITIVO: TRIBOOOOO! SUGOOOOOD!

hahahaha. labo. pagpasok ng UP pep sa stage, DK kagad naisip ko. haha. panalo!

SUPERMAN is LOVE

I'm so in love with SUPERMAN.

Last week was another hell week but not as hell-ish as last last week. I had 2 productions to prepare for plus a comm res paper.

My TUESDAY was half crazy. I didn't attend my journ101 class because i felt so lazy to. hahaha. come on. that was the first time i did that this school year. plus, there's not much to miss. just a couple of lectures. haha. stubborn mode.

The only class that i attended that day was my i-wish-i-didn't-take Media Law class. Given a choice, i would really love to drop that class. Not because I was having a hard time academically but because of something that's just not worth it. oh well. life sucks. sometimes.

WEDNESDAY. I DIDN'T HAVE A CLASS. but it was still mega tiring. I woke up early to do my EVP stuff. Then rushed to SC to have my pics for my Music Interpretation production printed out. Then met with Rona, Dina and Karen to rehearse my camera shots for my production. Exte meeting pa after. And as if i wasn't very very tired yet, i still had to go to SM to buy props for my Music Interpretation production. Then Mareng Carrie and I met with Longjay and Rox over dinner to discuss some Broad Ass stuff. Tapos, pag uwi sa bahay, prepare galore for my Music Interpretation production until 6 in the morning.

THURSDAY. M.I. PRODUCTION DAY. I overslept for 2 hours. I was only aiming for 3 hours of sleep. But no, nakatulog talaga ako ng bonggang-bongga. Good thing, we didn't have a class in my BC103 (radio scriptwriting class). Kundi naloka na talaga ako ng bonggang-bongga. so Ayun naman, muntik na ko malate at ma-5.0 ng walang kalaban-laban. BUT! I'll talk about this later. hahaha. Mahabang kuwento ito. :)

FRIDAY. Comm res and BC 102 (Radio performance) overlapped. We finished our consultation with Ma'am Almond re our research instruments at around 1145am. We have to submit our final instruments by 4pm. My BC 102's at 1-4pm. Meaning, Dina, Karen and I only have 1 hour and 15 mins to finish everything. BUT! for more, Broad Ass genmeet's scheduled at 12pm, same day. We didn't have any choice but to skip the meeting to work on our paper. Good thing Roch took the initiative to work on our paper while we're having our midterm performance for our BC 102 class.

BC 102 was crazy. Again, we disappointed Ma'am Pinky. Good thing we were able to redeem ourselves. During rehearsals, i was having a really hard time changing voices and avoiding falling into a pattern. The moment i got hold of the mic in the talent's booth of the radio studio, i literally shook away all the nervousness in me and ACTED in front of the mic while reading the script (as in with facial expression and hand gestures and all). I swear i could feel my knees wobbling big time. Gusto na talaga niyang bumigay habang binabasa ko ung script. But no, di puwede. As i read on, to my surprise, i was actually enjoying what i was doing. Bottomline, Ma'am Pinky said I did pretty well. I was very happy.

Good thing there was wifi in the radio studio because as soon as i finished my radio performance, i hurriedly logged on to meebo to chat with Roch and finish our Comm Res paper. Take note. i was doing this in front of Ma'am Pinky. ahahaha. Buti nalang nakapikit siya kapag nakikinig sa mga radio performers. :) We were able to finish it late but Ma'am Almond accepted our excuse, anyway. Weee! :)

So there. Masyado na tong mahaba. hahaha.

BACK TO THURSDAY! PRODUCTION TIME. I've been preparing for my production since last saturday. It ate most of my time and allowance. Broad Comm people sure know what i meant by this. Grabe lang talaga ang buhay sa mass comm. Haggard kung haggard! My TV Productions meant sooooo much to me. If there is a subject right now where i really want to excel in, that would be in my TV Prod class.

I was the first person in our class to have a three-camera set-up for a live production. Woohoo! Nagmamaganda lang talaga ako. hahaha. Gusto ko lang pahirapan sarili ko. hahaha. Seriously now, I wanted to give my cameramen longer time to prepare for their shots. (Background: For our Music Interpreation Production (MI), we were asked to produce a LIVE music video using only stills and camera movements.)

So there. I was able to use my 10mins preparation time wisely. My 5-min airtime was a breeze. Everything really went well. As in everything. I could already feel SUPER HAPPINESS creeping to my bones when i heard the bridge of SUPERMAN. Then i dissolved to VTR. Then i stopped the master tape. Faded out sound and vision. and thanked my crew. Then silence. Then SUPER HAPPINESS. Then everybody suddenly applauded. And Roch , my Tech director, and Jenin, my VTR person, hugged me at the same time. Then it dawned on me. I did it. I was SUUUUPER happy. Then i turned my director's chair to look at Ma'am Jane. She was smiling and mumbled something which sounded like,

"GOOD JOB!"

It was one of the best feelings in the whole wide universe. I was SUUUUUUUUUUPER HAPPY! I hurriedly went down to the floor to thank my crew personally. Everybody was talking at the same time, mumbling words that were just too good to be true, but were REALLY TRUE. I hugged anybody and everybody i could reach. I was so overwhelmed with happiness.

SUPERMAN, the song i chose for my MI, was the last live production that i had to do for my TV prod class and it was one of the best experiences i've had so far in my broad comm life. And i wouldn't have been able to do it without the help of my SUPER CREW!

SUPER THANK YOU CREW!

Thank you DINA, KAREN, and RONA for being super great camerapersons. I coudln't thank you three enough. :)

Thank you NICOLE for being such a great, perky and focused FD. I had fun talking with you over the headphone. haha. Your being relaxed helped me relax too.

Thank you MISCHI, BERYL, LINDO, MARIAN, ANJ and KAY for a job well done as my GFX persons. You made my life soooo much easier.

Thank you APRILLE and JENIN, my VTRpersons, and SAM, my AE, for being very supportive. It was nice to have you all with me in the control room.

Thank you TIN, for being a great AD. I really appreciate your help.

Thank you ROCH, for being a very attentive, dependable and cool Tech Director. I swear, you really did a great job.

Of course, thanks to our beloved prof, MA'AM JANE. Nothing kiss-ass here. I wouldn't have been able to do everything without her much effort to teach us what we had to know.

Second to the last, thank you BROAD ASS. Really. I wouldn't have been able to do everything that i did in my MI production and even in my past productions without the knowledge that i was and still is getting from the org. It was in BROAD ASS that i first learned of the technical concepts of headroom, babad shots, and camera shots, and of course, the very concepts of time management and batch unity. At marami pang iba. I love Broad Ass more than three times. :)

And last, but definitely not the least, THANK YOU GOD. You are the real SUPERMAN. :)

THANK YOU ALL! my last week was super crazy.

But see, I learned. (Nido, 2008)
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