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Bituwin -
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Dementee -
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009
You know I still do.
December 22, 2009
Day 3
December 18 would've been our 250th day together. I had been preparing for it because i kept on missing the other hundredths. Yes, I'm that cheesy. I wanted to make December 18 special because it was also supposed to be our Christmas celebration because he was set to leave the next day. And yes, that was supposed to be the last day we'd be together for this year. When we could be together again, that I don't know anymore. It breaks my fuckin' heart to not know the answer.
I don't understand why things had to end up like this. I love him. He loves me. I couldn't understand why love isn't enough to keep us together. How could I possibly move on and let go of someone who I know still loves me back? I want to hold on. I want to fight for us. I know I would hate myself if I let this risk go because I know there is still a great possibility for us to be happy again. Together.
But I've been weak. I chose to give up on us. I wanted to keep fighting for us but I'm just too weak and I hate myself for it. I left. Not because I don't trust him anymore but because I'm just too damn afraid to be hurt again. So much for weakness.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Non-sense
Minsan kahit ikaw ang naka-schedule, kelangan mo pa rin maghintay dahil hindi ikaw ang priority. -Bob Ong
Why do people get hurt?
Because we expect.
We expect that today will be alright.
We expect nothing bad will happen today.
And yet, even if we expect the bad things to happen, something worse will suddenly happen.
I was expecting this.
And yes, it happened.
But why am i still hurt?
Maybe because I thought it would hurt less.
Because I already expected it to happen.
Or maybe because by expecting it to not to happen, i unconsciously expected it that it will not happen.
Balhblahblah.
Sana matapos na bukas.
Parang kanina lang, ang saya-saya.
Tapos biglang, boom.
Hello, world.
I feel sad, Kk?
Why do people get hurt?
Because we expect.
We expect that today will be alright.
We expect nothing bad will happen today.
And yet, even if we expect the bad things to happen, something worse will suddenly happen.
I was expecting this.
And yes, it happened.
But why am i still hurt?
Maybe because I thought it would hurt less.
Because I already expected it to happen.
Or maybe because by expecting it to not to happen, i unconsciously expected it that it will not happen.
Balhblahblah.
Sana matapos na bukas.
Parang kanina lang, ang saya-saya.
Tapos biglang, boom.
Hello, world.
I feel sad, Kk?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Random Thought
I'm contemplating whether i'm reliving(?) this blog or not. I've got so much thoughts in me but I don't know if it's right to put them here because something tells me it would only make everything else more complicated. So I don't really know. Until then, I shall keep everything to myself. Pag naloka na ko, sign na un na kailangan ko na uli magblog. Ciao.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wait and have faith.
IF only I could a little bit more INSENSITIVE, then life would have been easier to live.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
I miss you.
Right now, all i want is for you to be right here beside me and tell me that everything will be okay.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I miss. Three times.
Things change. Quickly.
I never thought I'd feel this way towards something I used to love so much. I saw this coming but I never really saw myself so submerged in this situation. Outside the situation. I'm drowning. I'm trying to fight the current but I just can't find the way up to the surface again. I know I can be saved. Heck, I can even save myself. Being in this ocean has thought me how to swim in different strokes. But do i really want to be saved? I'm lost for words. I just want this feeling to end. I miss everyone.
I never thought I'd feel this way towards something I used to love so much. I saw this coming but I never really saw myself so submerged in this situation. Outside the situation. I'm drowning. I'm trying to fight the current but I just can't find the way up to the surface again. I know I can be saved. Heck, I can even save myself. Being in this ocean has thought me how to swim in different strokes. But do i really want to be saved? I'm lost for words. I just want this feeling to end. I miss everyone.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Scared.
Now, this is the part where i will suddenly take a halt and think about what happened in the past few weeks of my life.
I should be studying right now- writing that friggin' script about pots, reading that brain-draining reading about human communication, and yeah, drafting my interview script for my interview prod on wednesday. But for some unknown reason, i feel very uneasy. I feel like something is not right. I can't particularly point out what's causing me this feeling. I really don't know.
Be still, my heart. haha. If only it were that easy.
Have you ever felt how it's like to ride a roller coaster? Ako, hindi pa. Because no matter how much I try to, I just can't find enough guts to take the ride. That tempting ride. But instincts tell me this is how it feels like. THIS.
The nauseing mix of fear and excitement. You want to take the challenge the ride is daring you to take but something is holding you back. Something very strong but something you can't even see. You want to submit yourself to the ride because you know all too well that you'll be fine but you just can't do it. You start thinking what ifs. You wonder about all the negative things that might happen. The fear suddenly becomes greater than the excitement. Konti nalang, papayag ka na. Pero... pero... pero...
Why can't I just shut up?
I'm blabbering non-sense again, i know.
I need a squeeze. :(
I should be studying right now- writing that friggin' script about pots, reading that brain-draining reading about human communication, and yeah, drafting my interview script for my interview prod on wednesday. But for some unknown reason, i feel very uneasy. I feel like something is not right. I can't particularly point out what's causing me this feeling. I really don't know.
Be still, my heart. haha. If only it were that easy.
Have you ever felt how it's like to ride a roller coaster? Ako, hindi pa. Because no matter how much I try to, I just can't find enough guts to take the ride. That tempting ride. But instincts tell me this is how it feels like. THIS.
The nauseing mix of fear and excitement. You want to take the challenge the ride is daring you to take but something is holding you back. Something very strong but something you can't even see. You want to submit yourself to the ride because you know all too well that you'll be fine but you just can't do it. You start thinking what ifs. You wonder about all the negative things that might happen. The fear suddenly becomes greater than the excitement. Konti nalang, papayag ka na. Pero... pero... pero...
Why can't I just shut up?
I'm blabbering non-sense again, i know.
I need a squeeze. :(