Promise.
I just need one good squeeze.
One super-duper-tight-i-can't-breathe-anymore squeeze.

Or just shut me down.

oh well.

Welcome back, reality.

Uy, BLOG! Musta? I missed you. haha.

After a tormenting week of acad requirements, i finally went back home last friday afternoon. For those who know me, going home in a friday was something i wouldn't usually do. But, man, i was really tired.

I hardly had a decent sleep last week. Define acads load talaga. I had a news copy which is worth 30% of my grade in Journ101and that gruelling report in Comm120, which until now i haven't finished doing, both due on tuesday. Then I had my DJ Production-slash-DZUP boarding on wednesday afternoon. Thursday morning, i had to submit a drama script for my radio scriptwriting class. It's 30% of my grade for that subject. Then the much anticipated Magazine Production for my TV Prod class. Both sumitted and performed on thursday. And to cap my week off, Comm res paper on friday.

Define sleepless. define haggard. define toxic.

WTF. I know, right?

Anyway. Right now, what matters most is that i was able to survive the really hell-ish week. I was average. Actually, a little above average. hehe. sige na.

Tapos ayun naman. Kaya nung friday, pahinga galore. Ang sarap lang matulog nang walang iniisip. Actually, i still have so much to think about. Pero naman. pahinga muna. hehe

SO ayun nga. *scatterbrain processing* haha.

My Saturday morning sleep was one of the best. Not only because i dozed off for a total of 12 hours straight but also because i had one of the most wonderful and beautiful dreams i've ever had since i knew sleeping. haha. labo.

DO you remember that song by Cinderella, A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes? That is the perfect description for my dream. It was like a dream came true. and to be really cheesy about it. It was more like a fairy tale came true. hahaha. Promise. Ang saya talaga.

Tapos have you ever had those dreams which felt so real? as in parang totoo talaga? That's how it felt. haha. It felt so nice that the moment i realized i was just dreaming and was about to wake up, i refused to open my eyes. hahaha. As cheesy as it may sound, i didn't want the dream to end. Come on. Ang saya na eh. talaga. hehehe. Pag nangyari un sa totoong buhay, perfect na talaga. As in define happiness. :)

My sleep was so good that the moment i woke up, for real, i had this weird smile on my face. hahaha. I would've loved to talk more about my dream pero wag na lang. hahaha. baka mawala ung weird and happy feeling. hahaha. at saka para less controvery. I love peace. :)

I know that whatever i dreamt of was never going to happen in reality. Actually, not that it's impossible because it's possible din naman in some ways to happen. But it's really complicated. haha. forgive my scatterbrain mode. Sabi nga ni Cinderella sa Rodgers and Hamerstein's version, Impossible things are happening everyday. So why not? Right? hahaha.
Dream on, miss. haha. i know. :)

Basta ang predicament nalang ngayon, how i'm going to face the characters of my dream when i go back to reality. hahaha. baliw mode na naman, im sure. kasi naman eh. hehehe.

So ayun nga. Sabi nga ni kaibigang Cinderella, a dream is a wish your heart makes. It's not really a vision of what will happen in the future. It's more of what you're suppressing in your subconsciousness. And i wasn't even aware that i had, err, have those in mine.

Sunday na.

Oh Well.

Back to Reality.

"Stressful!" I love it whenever Ma'am Pinky says this word. And yeah, stressful.

Life has always been a roller coaster ride. and i'm still gaga as always. But i think what's really important now is that, no matter how crazy my life is, at least i have all the love that i need to get going.

*sings* love. love. love. lalalove. makes the world go round.

hahaha. No, i'm not in love. I'm just full of love. And i love it. I'm very tired but i'm happy.The latter matters more than the former although it's a 70:30 ratio. So there. I'm a blabber. a happy blabber. :)

I'm not very fond of science. I'm not bad at it. I just don't like it. That's why i took Broadcast Communication as my course in college. And now, i'm stuck with my production and writing classes. And duhr, prod life's way way different from geeky science life. I'm sooo judgmental, i know. haha. You're only given one chance during a production. It's not a pass or fail experiment which you can do over and over again.

Bottomline, dahil wala akong mapaggamitan ng natutunan ko noong elementary and high school, gagamitin ko nalang siya sa buhay ko. haha. Great, right? Real-life application of classroom-learned lesson.

The SCIENTIFIC PROCESS.

1. DEFINE THE QUESTION.
Question: Is she the one or is she not?
- No. No. No. I'm not lesbo. haha. Teka, pano nga ulit magformulate ng question scientifically? ugh.

2. GATHER INFORMATION AND RESOURCES (OBSERVE)
- I did this for a month. I observed. VERY MUCH. haha. I observed and observed and observed. I gathered information. I stalked. I fished. I researched. then i observed again.

3. FORM HYPOTHESIS
- from the information i was able to gather, i came up with the hypothesis that, yes, SHE IS.

4. PERFORM EXPERIMENT AND COLLECT DATA
- Haha. Yes, i did the experiment. Ang galing ko. hahaha. nagawa ko talgang mag-eksperimento. Parang case study lang sa Speech 115. I conducted a survey. I did a focus group discussion. I interviewed people. I researched for evidences to support my hypothesis. I collected all the necessary data. Puro first-hand information. Very reliable data. haha.

5. ANALYZE DATA
-and then i analyzed everything that I got. and analyzed. and analyzed. Until i overanalyzed. hahaha.

6. INTERPRET DATA AND DRAW CONCLUSIONS
- the result? YES, SHE IS. my hypothesis is correct. He likes her. Camaaaawn. hahaha.

7. PUBLISH RESULTS
- fine. hahaha. here's the result.

8. RETEST
- duhr? ayoko naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! stop. delete. enough. enough. enough. i dont waaaaaaaaaant. gaga.

So there. My case study's finished. I'm the greatest. Camaaaaaaaaawn.


P.S. I was watching Victor, my labiduds, in your song. At the of the program, a quotation was shown. This is for us, Athena. hahaha. :)

True love doesn't have a happy ending. True love doesn't have an end. -Herman Hesse

P.S.S. I'm not in love. Okay? hahaha.

Because i'm exhausting my BUM hours...

My handwriting analysis.

Mary Joyce uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Mary Joyce does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.

Mary Joyce will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.

Mary Joyce is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

Mary Joyce tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Mary Joyce writes tiny all of the time, she will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Mary Joyce will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. she might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When she is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and her ability to focus is incredible. When she says "she didn't hear you", she really means, she didn't hear you.

Mary Joyce is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Mary Joyce has a desire for attention. People around Mary Joyce will notice this need. She may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on her own character.

In reference to Mary Joyce's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Mary Joyce slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Mary Joyce can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Mary Joyce is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Mary Joyce basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Mary Joyce is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Mary Joyce is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.

Mary Joyce has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Mary Joyce has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Mary Joyce fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Mary Joyce has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Mary Joyce just comes into someone's home and helps herself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Mary Joyce finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when she was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

Before anything else, i would just like to rant rant and rant about how much i hate blogspot now. yeah, just for now. Takte talaga. Why the hell can't I sign in? I hate you, blogspot. i really do. grrr.

So there. I won't let my hate for my cheesy blog get in the way of my uberly nice mood tonight. Kung ganito lang lagi ang mood ko, masaya ang buhay. hehe.

Ayun naman. Today is the first day of my vacation. Yes, oh yes! Ngayon palang ako makakapag summaaaaaaar! For this weekend, i just want to be selfish. I don't want to think of any of my responsibilities. I just want to chillax. I just want to breathe. I just want to feel alive again.

At dahil nga BUM (i so love this word) ako ngayong weekend, wala akong ginawa kundi kumain, manuod ng american idol season marathon at magstalk sa net. haha. The last is the cause of my as-of-the-moment happyness. as. broad ass. i miss broad ass. already. :'(

Anywaaaaay. So i was stalking a few people i know. Haha. Camaaawn, hindi lang ako gumagawa nito. I know a lot of people who also do on-line stalking. hahaha. anyway, ayun nga. May iniistalk akong somebody. actually, marami sila. pero pinakanatuwa ako sa isang ito. Itago nalang naitn siya sa pangalang Mr. C. As in Mr. Crush. hahaha. Camaawn. Im so high school. haha.

Mr. C is my crush. obviously. Sabi ng mga tao, papasa daw kami bilang loveteam. Camaaawn. hahaha. Sabi ko dati, no way. haha. Hindi kasi siya ung tipo ng taong magugustuhan ko. knowing me, no way talaga. hahaha. Pero dahil sa isang hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, napansin ko siya. At simula noon, sinimulan ko na siyang pansinin. at ayun naman, tuluyan ko na siyang napapansin.

Pero kahit na may 'crush' na ako sa kanya ngayon, hindi pa rin kami puwedeng magkaroon ng something. Matibay kasi ang paniniwala ko na may gusto siyang iba. Hahaha. I really swear. I can so feeeeel that he likes her. Camaaawn. I can give 10 super mega valid reasons right now why I THINK he likes her. oo, nagmamagaling ako. I'm telling everyone that my theory is right. hahahaha. Pero chill lang. Kung gusto man niya siya, keri lang. I'm happy for them. Magsama sila. I swear. Magsama talaga silaaaaa! And no, i'm not bittergourd. I'm so not.

Hahaha. Seriously, sa pagkakakilala ko naman sa girl, oh yes, close kami. charos. hahaha. Mabuting tao naman siya kaya safe naman si Mr. C sa kanya. And i honestly think na bagay sila. NO bitterness here. promise. :) Pero kanina, habang iniistalk ko si Mr. C, parang gusto ko nalang maniwala sa mga tao na puwede nga kaming maging loveteam. camaaaaaawn. hahaha.

Kumusta naman ang jolog kong blog entry.hahaha. i swear, ang kadiri ng feeling. pero masaya. hahaha. i wouldn't elaborate on my reasons why i said we can pass for a loveteam. Pero ayun nga. Masaya lang kasi nakahanap ako ng mga rason para isiping posible nga na crush din ako ng crush ko. hahaha. Camaaawn. ang high school talaga. But don't we all just love this oh-so-high-schoolesque feeling? hahaha. jologs talaga.

Oh well. Bukas, wala na tong feeling na to. i so bet. This is just a phase. I know. Pero sana it stays with me longer. I like how this temporary happiness makes me feel happy. For a while, nakakawala siya ng mga problema. It's like living in a daydream. Lahat ng gusto mong mangyari, nangyayari. Minsan ang saya lang na lokohin ng sarili na puwedeng mangyari ung mga iniisip mo. na posibleng mangyari ung mga iniisip mo.

Pero honestly, sana nga tama ung iniisip ko ngayon. For a long time, pinaniwala ko ang sarili ko na gusto niya ung iniisip kong gusto niya. For tonight, iisipin ko muna na ako ang gusto niya. hahaha.

This weekend is all about me. Selfish ako ngayong weekend. And i so swear, it feels really good. hahahaha. :)